An epidemic is plaguing the world. It’s taking seemingly innocent teenage girls, and filling their hair with scrunchies and their hearts with vengeance against plastic straws. You know they’re getting nearer with the sound of their deafening laugh… sksksk and I oop and I oop. The sound of their Hydro Flasks clang when they enter a room. No one is safe anymore from the takeover of… VSCO girls. 

The app VSCO was originally released in 2011 as a photo editing app, but in recent years, more and more people have been using the app for editing their Instagram photos, more specifically teenage girls. The use of the app by this specific demographic started a ticking time bomb the world would never expect. 

The turning point that made the world aware of these zombified beings was the creation of the app, TikTok. TikTok is a form of social media, similar to Musical.ly, where the user creates lip syncing and comedic videos to share on the platform. This app gave VSCO girls a wider platform, and the VSCO outbreak spread like a wildfire. Soon, a VSCO girl could be seen from every corner of your school with friendship bracelets on their wrists and craziness in their eyes. Even when you were alone, you still couldn’t get away. They would pop up on your Instagram and TikTok feed. There is nowhere to run. There is nowhere to hide. 

There are many ways to spot a VSCO girl and to protect your loved ones from falling victim to the basic.

1. Scrunchies
If you think regular old ponytail holders are good enough, think again. Scrunchies are one of the tell tale signs of a VSCO girl. There will usually be at least two on their wrists and one in their hair in a high ponytail or messy bun. If you are seen in public without a scrunchie, the VSCO girls will find you and make sure you are in possession of one. Seriously, some of these girls are buried in scrunchies, but they will spare one if they must to protect their legacy.

2. Hydro Flask Water Bottles
These loud, obnoxious water bottles are the only ones accepted in the VSCO community. They are typically covered top to bottom in trendy stickers. The extreme VSCO girl will sometimes even have multiple on her person at a time. If you hear the ringing of the metal Hydro Flask, know a VSCO girl is near.  

3. Giant T-shirts
Don’t be fooled by the length of the shirt, they do have pants on. The typical wardrobe of a VSCO girl involves an oversized t-shirt covering their athletic shorts. Sometimes, these girls will opt for the luxurious Lululemon leggings. 

4. Metal Straws
Not only are VSCO girls annoying and terrifying, they are annoying, terrifying and environmentally conscious. One of the main goals of the VSCO girls is to save the turtles. That means plastic straws are strictly forbidden because, of course, plastic straws are the only things polluting oceans and killing marine life. If you are one of the unfortunate souls caught with the dreaded plastic straw in your hand, run for your life. They will track you down and criticize your actions until the only plastic you have is every other single use plastic item that doesn’t seem to be affecting anything (according to them).

5. Friendship Bracelets
Even if the VSCO girl has no friends whatsoever, you can bet they will have their arms covered in Pura Vida friendship bracelets. Sometimes, they’ll even make their own bracelets with beads. This is a common activity done at the VSCO girl sleepovers, where they all gather at night to sleep out on the roof or some other quirky location to post on Instagram or TikTok for views. The bracelets are solely for trend purposes and lack the “friendship” aspect of the “friendship bracelet”. 

6. Birkenstocks
Their physical appearance would not be complete without the shoes. The typical shoes of VSCO girls are Birkenstock sandals. These are another trend taken from the 90’s. Other acceptable shoes include Vans and Crocs.

7. Puka Shell Chokers
Guess what? It’s the early 2000s again. I mean, it must be because VSCO girls brought back the puka shell necklaces so they can pretend to be surfers from California. There seems to be a theme of mixing decades with VSCO girls. The scrunchies are from the 80s and 90s, the necklaces are from the 2000s and the shoes are from the 90s. VSCO girls may be crazy because they are holding on to the past so much.

8. And finally… the classic “sksksk and I oop and I oop” laugh
If you hear the sound of this calling, red alerts should be going off in your head. This is the most distinguishable part of the VSCO girl because of how obnoxiously loud it is. Whenever people talk about VSCO girls, they make sure to imitate the laugh. The sad thing is, the VSCO girls don’t even know they’re doing it. Their laugh sounds totally normal to them. An example of what to be listening for to spot a VSCO girl is, “… and then I dropped my Hydro Flask. Sksksk and I oop and I oop.”  

The breed of VSCO girls is steadily growing stronger and stronger. They will keep recruiting, one TikTok at a time, until every last high schooler has matching friendship bracelets. It could be anyone you know, so keep one eye open at all times. Precautionary measures to take include not looking at social media, where they thrive, be armed with scrunchies and Hydro Flasks to distract them from turning you and… you know what? It may be most helpful to just board up your windows, lock all the doors and cut off all ties with humanity. The VSCO girls are strong, but we must remain stronger. Stay safe and do not be fooled.