From shaking hands with taxidermists to discovering the intense world of female powerlifting, the Tiger Times have interviewed a variety of people all across campus and beyond, all with different stories to tell. Every single one of these Q&As listed on our website is interviewing a human.

That unfortunate fact ends now.

For the first time in T-High history, we present a translated question-and-answer with a feathered friend who not only attends school here, but lives here as well. You’ve heard their honks as they cross your path to the Performing Arts Center. You’ve seen them sit for several minutes in the parking lot for reasons no one is aware of. But has anyone given any thought as to the meaning behind their squeals and strange life choices? Here is one the goose’s take on campus life and how to make the most of our measly human school days.  

What is your life’s story?
I am a goose named Watson. I don’t know my breed or my last name, because my lifespan isn’t long enough to care about those details.

What are your favorite and least favorite parts of life at Texas High?

I’m a big fan of the attention I get when students stroll the halls. Looking back and noticing iPhones flashing in my direction makes me feel important.

As for my least favorite, I know it’s cliche, but the nights are usually the hardest. There is no one around to gawk at my every move. After all extracurriculars are done for the day, all I have to entertain myself is the pond, my fellow geese and the moon. 

Do you feel accurately and fully represented as a member of our school?

It depends on the day. Sometimes people will take pictures of me on their phones, and that makes me feel valued as a member of the school. Although it also makes me envious that living in a pond means that technology is mostly a no no for me. 

I do feel like I’d feel more included if we updated the mascot. Students are in no way connected with tigers. Except for the random zoo on vacation, many have probably never seen one in real life. What animal do they see on nearly a daily basis? Geese. Geese are what truly rule the school. For that reason, I vote that Trocia the Tiger be replaced by Gabby the Goose.

What extracurricular would you join as a student here?

As much as I bet you’re assuming my answer is swim, it’s not. I’d probably try my mind at debate since sharing unwanted opinions is one of my favorite pastimes. Almost every noise I make is in reference to some topic no one cares about except me. For instance, I think our species should have masks as well. Does the pandemic pose a big threat to my kind? No, but everyone around me has one, so I’d love to find a way to dive into the trend for fashion reasons.

What advice do you have for the student body?
Take as many opportunities as possible. My education is limited since most of what you learn as a goose is survival skills and basic honking. But for some reason, humans are forced to learn a lot more than that. Soak up as much knowledge as you can. Also, don’t be afraid to greet different animals. The pond gets boring when no one stops to say hello.