She always thought she would have the chance to get one more hug, have one more laugh, see his smile one more time. How could she have known that the last time they saw him was really the last? How can she or anyone else deal with this tragic loss?

Junior Elaina Robertson was very close to her best friend, Houston Hart, when he passed. Since his passing, she has had a hard time accepting this loss.

“It’s breathtaking. It doesn’t feel real. I still haven’t learned to accept the situation yet,” Roberston said. “I still want to call him. I still text him and Snapchat him. I’ve started writing diaries to him everyday. I catch myself talking to him. I dream about him a lot. It was really hard at first, but I think he’s still there; he’s still around.”

Being close with Houston’s family has since allowed Robertson to cope. She visits and spends time with them as if they are her own family. In a way, to her, they are. They are reminders of Houston and the person he was.

“I’m close with his family, his older brother, Hayden, his younger brother, Heath, who I hang out with, and his mom,” Robertson said. “His mom is just really cool; she lets me come over and sit in his room sometimes and just chill.”

Although it has been hard for her to cope with Houston’s death, Robertson has found her own special way of getting through it all: song-writing. She wrote a song that has helped her express the truly tough emotions that she is feeling and has felt after he passed.

“I wrote the song about three days after the accident. I was talking to Houston, and then, all of the sudden I started writing a song about him,” Robertson said. “It was just a poem, and I then decided to turn it into a song. I looked for instrumental music to put the song to until I found one that I liked. I put it all together, and I sang it for a friend; she told me it was really good. I started singing it for everyone else. Houston’s older brother is really into music and rapping. He wants to get the song recorded for me and bring me to his studio.”

The lyrics of her song have a deep meaning that were tough for Robertson to talk about at first. His death seemed unfair and too soon. It came unexpectedly.

“The chorus says ‘Confused on why out of all the smiles yours is gone.’ because Houston was the happiest person I know,” Robertson said. “I don’t understand why it had to be him. ‘Dear God, why wasn’t it me? I wish I would’ve been the one.’ It had to be Houston out of all these people. It could’ve been anyone else, but it was him; it’s just heartbreaking that it had to be him.”

Through writing this song, Robertson has begun the healing process. She no longer has to hold in all the things she is feeling and can instead write them out.

“I was writing to express how I felt about this whole thing. I was basically talking to Houston. I kind of connected to him when I wrote it. Instead of holding it all in, I’m writing it down, and it really helps.”

The song lyrics are featured below:

“That smile is what I’ll miss the most

In that smile I found a home

But now all I can think about

Is what to do knowing that you’re gone

It’s getting hard to hold back tears

Tell me what to do next

I wish you would just come back here

All I want is my HTX

Confused on why out of all the smiles it’s your’s

That’s gone

Dear God why wasn’t it me I wish I would have

Been the one

I keep on telling myself it’s not true

There’s no way that it is

How could the world be this cruel

Out of all the lives it just had to be his

Dear Houston why’d you have to go

You know I need you here

I never got to say goodbye

A life without you is what I fear

To live without you for many years

There’s no way it’s gonna work

I need to know that you’re still here

Please something I just

I wish I would have been the one

I wish I would have been the one

I wish I would have been the one”

-Elaina Robertson