A study conducted by myself has shown that about 99 percent of people are completely obsessed with dogs. I am part of the one percent that despises them. Now before you say “I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend anymore,” which I have heard one too many times, let me explain why.

There are three main reasons that I cringe at the sight of dogs: They smell  terrible, they are incredibly annoying and worst of all, they watch you while you eat.

A dog’s odor is some kind of nauseating combination of mud, dead animals and must. And that’s just the fur. The smell of a dog’s breath is about seven times worse. Hot saliva mixed with dog food is not really the ideal fragrance I want to be blown in my face everywhere I go.

The fact that I am criticized for disliking this stench while more than half of dog owners let their “sweet little doggie” lick them straight on the mouth is ludicrous. That’s not cute, it’s concerning. I don’t care how many researchers have found that their mouths are cleaner than ours. Plenty of studies have shown that a toilet seat is more sanitary than a phone screen, but that doesn’t mean you should lick it.

One of the most uncomfortable conversations that I am forced to have in almost every house I enter is politely asking them to get their disgusting dog away from me. I know it’s crazy, but no, I don’t want your filthy dog jumping on my clothes. However, every time I ask (nicely) for them to put their dog outside, they act like I have asked them to abuse their child. For some reason, people are directly offended by my hostility towards their pets. I am so sorry that I don’t want to miserably pet your rank dog.

Most of the time, I can tolerate an adequate smelling dog sitting near me, but the game changes when I am trying to eat. I am immediately unable to swallow my food if a dog is sitting five inches away staring at me. For all the spoiled dogs that do this, I will kick you (probably as discreetly as possible so I don’t enrage your owner).

To be honest, the most unfortunate part of being a dog hater is the negative judgement I receive from the abundant amount of dog lovers. People get sincerely hurt when others don’t like their dog(s). Because of this, a handful of my friendships have been damaged. Well, you win some you lose some.

Now, if we are talking about puppies, that’s a completely different story.