Laughter can be heard from miles away. Sounds of joy bouncing off the ground. Water gushing out of the broken sprinkler. For some it would be trash, but for my brother and I, it was a world of excitement. Hours went by, and it was just the two us. Fascination glimmered in our eyes and smiles gleamed. Memories were made that day—memories that were irreplaceable.

Moments like that have since ended. Our connection has lessened and we no longer get along.

Joshua is my twin, but at one point, he was also my best friend. We were there for each other, through the bad and the good, through thick and thin. After all, he was the only blood relative I had. But as time went by, something changed. Our wild adventures were no longer adventures, but arguments. Our love for one another had turned into a degree of hate.

That hate kept festering. We started to branch out, and our differences became our downfall. Our friend groups consisted of opposite people and our hobbies shared no interest with the other. The differences between us were slowly tearing us apart.

Regret is all I feel. The choices I’ve made contribute to the reason that we have grown apart– picking those fights that had no relevance, choosing friends that wouldn’t be there forever over a brother who would be there for a lifetime. I desired nothing more at that time than to be considered different from Joshua.

Having a twin is so special that when you notice a growing separation between each other, the sadness starts to build up. You don’t have someone you can trust, to talk to or get help from. The person you need when you have no one else is no longer available.  

I’ve since learned that I can be my own person, and that he can as well, and that the bond between us can still be there. If only I had come to this realization years before.  

I can only imagine if we hadn’t grown distant from each other; would we still be the same? Nothing can ever erase the times we spent together. Those moments are permanently drilled inside my brain, being replayed every second I reminisce on those memories.  

With time, I can only hope that we will be able to fix our issues and reconnect, that we will be able to find the solutions to our differences and correct them. I know now that I want nothing more than to have that connection back and share my life with him. Most importantly, I want my best friend back, the best friend that’s supposed to last a lifetime.

Years from now I can see us; we are doing the same thing we once did. The old sprinkler, hours of laughter and fun, that same moment we once shared. The only thoughts that fill my mind: I have my best friend back, more precisely I have my twin, that missing piece to the puzzle.