With age comes certain responsibilities, things that make being an adult seem unsatisfying – rather difficult – to be exact. Responsibilities that I’m not ready to partake in, growing up requires one to make a step from childhood into adulthood. A change that scares me more than excites me.

Being young is a time where life is carefree, the problems of the outside world seem oblivious to the mind of a child.

I can remember the days of pure joy I would have with my family when I was 8, making moments that would be like none other. When the day was done, I recall sitting in my bed, staring at the ceiling and filling my head with thoughts that saddened me. Would these days exist when im 12, 18, or so on? Thinking about what would happen in the years to come and where the people in my life would be in those years were things that I feared about growing up.

As I grew older the realization that life would be different was more apparent. The years of going to school and learning meaningless lessons and playing outside were over, the world was ready to push me in the direction of being an adult.

It’s the slow approaching feeling of becoming less dependent on my parents and more dependent on myself to get through life. Waking up on my own presents it’s own challenges but the hard stuff comes when making decisions that are gonna affect the present as well as my future. Should I take D.C. classes, get a job, let peer pressure win?

The fear comes from my parents, and overhearing their conversations about: bills, work and the struggles of adulthood.

I am aware of how difficult it is to balance work, school and other activities. The amount of work that has to be put in to make a good check when you work for $7.25 a hour is insane. Thinking about having to get a job that’s full time is even scarier.

It’s almost as if now I am in a bubble, shielded from the frightening reality of the world. I’m not held fully accountable for all my mistakes, not yet given full responsibility of my life. A task that I still am not sure I’m capable of.

I’m still struggling to survive life with the independence I’m given, just thinking about having to by myself is more than overwhelming. Growing up is just something I’m not ready to do.